I'm currently a student and living with my family, my dad and my older brother. We're quite an awkward family but I guess every family is different in their own way. My brother is annoying as hell, I think he has a mental illness though, seriously, but he doesn't want to check on it. My dad is great, yes he can be annoying but I think I got the better deal when I was born. To put it simply I know I could have got a lot worse. We're like close friends but I guess not close enough as I haven't told him my secret... I'm gay! Ta Dah! Surprise!

I know that my dad will continue to love me for who I am but it'd be different, he'll feel that he has lost something - he deems not getting married and having kids before 30 as disgraceful! What will he think if he's not going to get grandchildren (well he probably will cause I plan to have children), it's not like my brother will get there anytime soon.

It's not like I plan to hide it from him forever it's just that I haven't really found the time and the courage to do so and why potentially sour our relationship. In all honesty I'm not 100% sure that I am anyway! I think I'm more bi tbh. I still like girls and had a crush on one too it's just that I lean more towards boys when I think somebody is good looking or when I look at porn - weird I've never had a crush on a guy... eeek! Yes, I may have lusted on celebrities and a few people I know but when I had a crush on that girl I was thinking "ooh what nice hair she has today", "I wish I could talk to her more" and "god I haven't seen her in ages" - but that has never happened with a guy - am I weird?

I think my brother knows anyway, he's caught me a few times looking at gay porn. OK not red handed but when I was young I was dumb enough to keep a file of pictures - how stupid was I! I remember I had this massive stash which I kept under a pile of random junk. My brother, being the nosy-ass guy he is, looked through my room - for god knows what, and found it. I remember it clearly because he left a note asking me to phone him - I was so scared and made an elaborate excuse, sounds stupid now but I think he bought it,.I said someone had randomly shoved it in my hands at school and ran away in a hurry and told me to look after it, I kept it so that I could give it back - lol. He sounded convinced but I definitely wouldn't be if I was his age and I got told that. Many years later he even told my dad once that he thought I was gay - that annoying twat - leave it to me! I managed to avoid the subject.