First Crush

It's been a while since my last post, been quite tired with everything lately but things seem to be improving.


Remember I talked previously about a girl I had a crush on, well I think she's the only crush I've had. There have definitely been boys that I've wanted to have it on with but I think love is more than just sex, personally I think sex can be detached from love, just because you like sex with a boy doesn't mean you're gay and vice versa. I think love is deeper than that; sex is just something you share that is pleasurable. I never wished for sex with this crush of mine but I really wanted to be with her. I'm over her now but I wanted to know her then.

She was a brunette, about 2 inches shorter than me, hazel eyes and I must say she was fit. She was basically in every class I was in but we only knew and occasionally talked to each other, we weren't friends. I just remember getting extremely defensive - in my head - when somebody bad mouthed her but in a joking way. I don't think she was necessarily the prettiest girl I knew, acne did take over her most of the time but in my eyes she was the prettiest at that time. I never plucked up the courage to get closer to her because I knew it wouldn't work - we had very little in common, but it felt good to just be around her.

It's difficult to explain all these feelings and what I'm saying may sound confusing and bullshit to some but I'm being extremely honest here about everything. I don't know when I lost that crush, maybe it's because she's not in any of my classes anymore and I basically see her once a month, I don't know, but I know I'm long over her.

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